Suicide Poems
I get a funny feeling,it comes from deep inside.
I get all mad and angry,
wanting to go and hide.
My doctor calls it depression,
my dad says it's just me.
But the thoughts and feelings,
no one will ever be able to see.
Some say I'm psycho,
some say I'm just weird.
It's like I'm a different person,
and the old me just disappeared.
I get really edgy,
I want to commit suicide real bad.
Then I get a headache,
followed by feeling sad.
I wish I could get help,
I wish it would go away.
Maybe if I keep praying real hard,
it will some day.
No one hears me, understands me
I speak in silence
hoping that someone will see my words, my message
hoping to find love, it has arrived so divine
I wish for a stronger, better life
filled with everlasting touch
I dream the future, but hold the past
My body is brimmed with so many confusions
Am I really here experiencing fullness
I must be, the pain is so real
the hurt I feel could never be imagined
but I will pull through into greatness
and destroy whatever faces into me
As I struggle I will fight until the end
Whenever it may come
Trapped inside my own head
With nothing but my own fevered dreams to comfort me.
I know the pain of the madman;
He lives inside of me.
I've felt the strength of demons
And the weakness of self- preservation.
And hope. Hope.
Hey, parents, do you know where your kids are tonight
Are they locked away inside of themselves
Are their minds slipping away
Mama hen, mama hen . . .
The fox has taken your baby again.
Precious minds are a shame to waste
Memories are forgotten in haste.
I am losing all that is me . . .
Yet gaining something entirely different.
Something that acts like an animal
And speaks like God.
Comforts me like a best friend
And loves me like its child.
I am its child.
An innocent brat, ready for its teachings.
Ready to do what is told to me.
Believing all that is said to me.
Taking in all.
And living off of my fevered dreams.
I'm swimming all alone in a pool of darkness
and I feel like darkness is slowly pulling me under
I yell for help but no one is there to hear it
I begin to see the water at eye level
and I kick and flail
fighting to stay above the darkness
But the darkness won't let go of its hold on me
and I slowly begin to give in
to the feeling that lies below the water line
the waters starts to fill my lungs
the lungs that once held so much life
yet now they allow the murky water to replace that
I know that this path doesn't lead to happiness
But why doesn't someone grab my hand
pull me from darkness's grasp
because no one knows I stand at the boundary
the boundary between light and dark
so I give in to the thing that holds me
All of the strength and all of the courage
that I once held in my heart
can't save me from the water
So I slowly slip below the world of conscientiousness
undetected by the occupants of that world
I don't want to fight anymore
I've given into darkness
I held the knife so close to my heart.
Like a foolish child I sat and I cried,
Didn't realize what I had done, what I had tried.
Tears mixed with blood, falling slowly to the ground.
Covered in blood, pulled myself up, in tears scribed
To those who don't care, to those who can't see,
Never Give up always thrive to be free.
Didn't know how many people would later cry.
Tried to be free, yet I see this isn't the way.
Friend at the door, ran as fast as she could.
Too weak to say I'm sorry, otherwise I would.
In tears, looked at the blue sad day.
When you come and see this pool of blood and me,
This isn't the way my life was meant to be.
I've been pushed down so many times
I feel this time will be the last
as I lay here fading
my thoughts are invaded by memories of my past
I feel the pressures of shame and rejection building
as I lay here on the floor
I have no strength to get up
I'm not worth it any more
Anger and hatred
Is all I seem to be making
Happiness and acceptance
Is swept aside as if I were faking
What did I do to deserve this
All the good things in life I seem to miss
I feel as though I'm innocent
It just doesn't all seem to fit
Should I take the easy way out
Not many people will miss me without a doubt
What would happen if I didn't even exist
Everyone will be at their peak of happiness
But for the few people that would miss me
Don't get any ideas to come join me
For I have made a terrible mistake
No other one shall make
If I made an impact on anyone's life
I am sorry I decided to take my life
I just had to find an easy way out
I'm just someone you are better without
Sometimes I just wish, I could run away and hide.
No matter where I go though, these feelings stay inside.
How can I stay here & live each day a lie,
When all I want to do is close my eyes & die
I see the pain I cause you, with every tear I shed.
I plead with you now mum, let me go instead
I wish I could take you with me, to a happy place,
Whether it exists though, is time for me to face.
Can I ask for your forgiveness For you to set me free,
It may seem ungrateful, but this life's not meant for me.
Thank you for all your love, for all the time we shared,
It means the world to me, to know that someone cared.
A dark windy night,
Pine trees sway from left to right,
Feel the sprinkles from the water,
A mother's daughter,
On my face,
Holding my lace,
Sitting on a wall,
Ready to fall,
Staring at my reflection below,
Feeling very low,
My heart is ticking away,
No one can take my way,
Smell of a fresh air,
All night and fair,
In the middle of the night.
Have you had cold showers of pain
My friend, you've stood in my rain
Deathly feeling of loneliness
No need to feel shameless
I've been there before
Not wanting to feel any more
Your hearts been broken in half
Mind still living in the past
Cold dark thoughts of suicide
Why don't I do it tonight
Don't worry it will go away
Learn to love another day
Put it in the back of mind
Let it rest and you will find
Dark clouds begin to part
New love will mend the heart
Thoughts of suicide disappear
Self- esteem will reappear
One day you'll be able to say
My friend you've stood in my rain
Silence builds an awful wreckage of a girl
It feeds on loneliness and creates a void
Gray shadows haunt and torment and torture
A teenager is stricken and destroyed
There is no sound of laughter or happiness here
The little one has thrown in the towel today
Somber, melancholy moods decay the soul
It is futile to hope and dream and pray
Emptiness builds a home in this woman
In this girl, this child where hollows have bred
A deepening sea of nowhereness consumes
And eats away at every connecting thread
Confusion feeds like a savage inside her,
Leaving nothing considered worthy remains
Destined to walk through life less ordinary
Alone, exiled, different and disdained.
And so it came to be
this isolation that I am
I can only look to me
to find the way it all began -
this confusion, constant
hunger for something more than this
I strive to find this being
that I envision, yet seem to miss.
Could it be that I am empty-
or maybe a little lost
Could it be that I am lonely,
or seek happiness at any cost
This never-ending Something
that I am living deep inside,
depicts the illusion of myself
and all I have to hide.
Was I bewitched so by the thin red line
To notice not that time released its hold
And let pale Iris snip the silver twine
To steal sweet youth before it turned to gold.
Existence now is not what I was told;
No seraphim and harps to grace my ear,
Just silence, painful silence, and the cold
Discomfort of my masochistic fear,
So icy cold, yet somehow seems to sear
My soul until the ache's too much to bare,
As mortal life mirages now appear
Intangible are they; away they tear.
Mistake, it was; the curtain fell too soon
When razor's edge did charm me like the moon.
My life is now my delusion,
A world made of fantasies.
Happiness is no longer the illusion,
My life is my new disease.
No longer waiting to see what happens,
No more waiting on fate.
I will decide where it all ends,
I will show you all my hate.
You claim to be full of anger,
You spread nothing but lies.
Your time in my mind is in danger,
For you are whom I truly despise.
The look in your eyes is hard to handle,
It's almost something to be feared.
Is this true or just another scandal
Where is your face--just mine I see mirrored.
Like tyrants assembled with tears
Trembling like a tomb
And singing like a statue
I am as empty as the ocean.
My blind eyes scream in silence
So this eternal echo will be known.
Given to the foils of time,
And shattered like plate glass-
You freeze within the fire.
Darkness now lives at daylight,
And shadows turn to the ghosts.
With all that shined is hollow
You imagine unconsciously.
And pretending to sleep you realize,
Nothing is what it seems.
Harsh words & violent blows
Hidden secrets nobody knows
Eyes are open, hands are fisted
Deep inside I'm warped & twisted
So many tricks & so many lies
Too many whens & too many whys
Nobody's special, nobody's gifted
I'm just me, warped & twisted
Sleeping awake & choking on a dream
Listening loudly to a silent scream
Call my mind, the number's unlisted
Lost in someone so warped & twisted
On my knees, alive but dead
Look at the invisible blood I've bled
I'm not gone, my mind has drifted
Don't expect much, I'm warped & twisted
Burnt out, wasted, empty, & hollow
Today's just yesterday's tomorrow
The sun died out, the ashes sifted
I'm still here, warped & twisted
Misled troves on Sunday morning fly away,
I sing as I was the wind,
And burn like the fire.
Trembled cold ice lives in my heart,
Racing are my words.
They twine together as one,
But live together as two.
Roses that are gray,
And a ocean no longer blue,
The daze continues.
A bridge not to be crossed,
And a church not to be kneeled in.
Once at peace,
Resting for eternal bounds
Will then I live.
Why
Dad,
Why did you chose to die
You left no note and me with why
You thought you were doing what was best and right.
Why, oh why, did you have to end the fight
Your pain is something I will never understand.
You must have been so afraid to take this stand.
You left me with a title I am sad to attain.
Suicide Survivor, but who should I blame
I know your decision was painful to make.
The thoughts in your head
Must have been unbearable to take.
Now that you're gone, I think of you a lot.
You couldn't have known the suffering this has brought.
I pray you are at peace my Angel, and I am in pain.
I count the minutes to Heaven and seeing you again.